Dear You,
I know I'm going to see you in a few days but I think it's become clear by now that the things I write here are things I'll never tell you. This is so sad. I used to think you were the one friend I would never lie to. Why did you have to go and fuck up everything? Of course I blame you, isn't that what I always do, blame others and shed responsibility? But let's be serious: we both lied. The difference is that I lied to protect you. Okay, maybe I was trying to protect myself in the process but can you really blame me? I'm so glad you never saw me when things were really bad. Thank god for texts and facebook messages! So, what would you say to me if you knew the truth? You'd ask if I'm okay now. You'd tell me I'm an idiot. You'd demand to know if I still do the things I did back then. Here's my answers: Yes. I know. No. These days it's just the scars that remind me what I did. Everything else seems so far back I don't even recall the little things that mattered so much then.
Okay, enough depressing shit, I already feel like crap because I have to go back. I need to write down the good stuff. Besides, support meetings open again on the 27th and until then the blog is all I have. So, we had the Glass Canyons gig yesterday. That's the name of Jack's band; if we were speaking directly you'd probably make some kind of stupid joke about the name but this is a monologue so you don't get a voice, which is pretty awesome because you can be pretty fucking annoying! Anyway, we went to the Hobbit (that's the name of the pub); it was just James, Asgeir and I. We had a great time, I loved the songs, the sound was so much better, plus Jack had actually washed his hair for that one! I think I got a little bit drunk. I got all high and mighty about English vodka and how it's nothing compared to the vodka in eastern europe and I downed my drinks way too quickly. I don't think they agreed very much with my meds because after a while the room grew warmer and everything turned brighter and I was laughing at practically everything, even if something wasn't funny. It was pretty fucking awesome! And then Asgeir started dancing and I had a pretty good reason to laugh. I don't remember telling him that but I'm definitely saying something on Tuesday. It was disturbing and hilarious at the same time. I'm definitely making him do it on my birthday! Then the gig was over and I went out but there was no bus. Jack found me trying to make sense of the bus schedule and we walked back all the way to his house where I stayed for the night because I literally felt my hands were going to fall if I stayed a minute longer outside. I had a really good time watching him try to inflate an air mattress for me and then I slept like a log.
I woke up at like 10:30 in the morning. We went at Costa for breakfast. I know you and I know you'd probably not like him but your opinion doesn't count the way it used to. I like him. A lot. He makes me feel good about myself. He's kind and polite, and so, so talented. I don't think he even realises how good he is at what he does.
What is there to say, other than I will see you next week? I'll smile and you'll barely recognize me, you'll probably be disappointed in my less than perfect appearance and I will most certainly not give a fuck about what you think.
Evey
P.S. Lina met a guy. He's a bartender, very handsome and he's got a tattoo. I pray to whoever is out there that she finally gets laid!!
I know I'm going to see you in a few days but I think it's become clear by now that the things I write here are things I'll never tell you. This is so sad. I used to think you were the one friend I would never lie to. Why did you have to go and fuck up everything? Of course I blame you, isn't that what I always do, blame others and shed responsibility? But let's be serious: we both lied. The difference is that I lied to protect you. Okay, maybe I was trying to protect myself in the process but can you really blame me? I'm so glad you never saw me when things were really bad. Thank god for texts and facebook messages! So, what would you say to me if you knew the truth? You'd ask if I'm okay now. You'd tell me I'm an idiot. You'd demand to know if I still do the things I did back then. Here's my answers: Yes. I know. No. These days it's just the scars that remind me what I did. Everything else seems so far back I don't even recall the little things that mattered so much then.
Okay, enough depressing shit, I already feel like crap because I have to go back. I need to write down the good stuff. Besides, support meetings open again on the 27th and until then the blog is all I have. So, we had the Glass Canyons gig yesterday. That's the name of Jack's band; if we were speaking directly you'd probably make some kind of stupid joke about the name but this is a monologue so you don't get a voice, which is pretty awesome because you can be pretty fucking annoying! Anyway, we went to the Hobbit (that's the name of the pub); it was just James, Asgeir and I. We had a great time, I loved the songs, the sound was so much better, plus Jack had actually washed his hair for that one! I think I got a little bit drunk. I got all high and mighty about English vodka and how it's nothing compared to the vodka in eastern europe and I downed my drinks way too quickly. I don't think they agreed very much with my meds because after a while the room grew warmer and everything turned brighter and I was laughing at practically everything, even if something wasn't funny. It was pretty fucking awesome! And then Asgeir started dancing and I had a pretty good reason to laugh. I don't remember telling him that but I'm definitely saying something on Tuesday. It was disturbing and hilarious at the same time. I'm definitely making him do it on my birthday! Then the gig was over and I went out but there was no bus. Jack found me trying to make sense of the bus schedule and we walked back all the way to his house where I stayed for the night because I literally felt my hands were going to fall if I stayed a minute longer outside. I had a really good time watching him try to inflate an air mattress for me and then I slept like a log.
I woke up at like 10:30 in the morning. We went at Costa for breakfast. I know you and I know you'd probably not like him but your opinion doesn't count the way it used to. I like him. A lot. He makes me feel good about myself. He's kind and polite, and so, so talented. I don't think he even realises how good he is at what he does.
What is there to say, other than I will see you next week? I'll smile and you'll barely recognize me, you'll probably be disappointed in my less than perfect appearance and I will most certainly not give a fuck about what you think.
Evey
P.S. Lina met a guy. He's a bartender, very handsome and he's got a tattoo. I pray to whoever is out there that she finally gets laid!!
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