Dear You,
This sense of freedom is really odd. It's not exactly freedom, no, because the results come out on the 5th of February (yes, on my birthday, very funny, haha) so I'll have to wait a whole fucking month before I can breathe. Gosh, I need to go out for a drink! Maybe on a date. That sounds nice. I'm currently stuck in my attic listening to "Let it go", singing really, really bad. Oh, well, I'm going to Sharon's tomorrow, that's always fun.
I talked with mama, she said it's actually colder in Greece than here in England. I'm thinking of going back to vote but then again there are so many things I left behind that I want to avoid. I wish I was a more decisive person but I'm afraid that's me, mercurial and changeable as hell! I know some distance would do me good but we'll see, that's all I can say.
There are times I'm glad you can't read the things I'm writing; then again there are those times when I feel so alone. It's tragic how blind I'd been before that little incident. I never wanted to name it. I guess once you name something it becomes real and I didn't want that. But I love the way people look at me here. Coming in this place was the best decision I've ever made. It's just that, I can't afford to fuck this up, not this time. I'm running out of countries I can hide.
Next month is my birthday and I'm so excited! I haven't had a proper birthday in two years now! I am though having one this year and it's going to be AMAZING! I'm sure of it because this last few months have been amazing and my xmas holidays were great and this place and these people have really helped. I understand I can't undo what I've done but that doesn't mean I can't move on.
Yesterday I was writing this critical commentary for my Art and Craft of Fiction class. It was about my story Alexithymia and I was wondering whether I should put in the commentary the real reason behind the story. I sort of kind of did and then I started thinking how long I can keep avoiding the relationship factor in my life. It's just that relationships are such a commitment and in my case there are so many things I need to explain and I really hate explanations. How can I tell someone I want to sleep alone because every time i close my eyes I know there's always the possibility of a seizure in the early morning hours? I hate the way people look at me when I say I have epilepsy. You can imagine how much I'd hate it if someone I cared about actually saw me have a seizure. Only Lina and my parents have seen that and I could tell it's not pretty. How can I explain the scars all over my body? They're still there, i check every day now. They look better but still they're there. Maybe I'll be okay enough to go swimming this summer. I certainly hope so.
Anyway, with the assignments out of the picture I'm free to go back to the things I love in this country: working at the theatre, archery and, my new revelation: gingerbread lattes!!! I told you I'm going to Sharon's tomorrow. I'll go and have a bath now and not think about him because I'm awesome and I know better. I'll talk about it with Sharon tomorrow. Kisses for now and I'll let you know if something weird comes up.
xx
Evey
p.s. A couple of facebook friends got engaged today, what is wrong with the world???
This sense of freedom is really odd. It's not exactly freedom, no, because the results come out on the 5th of February (yes, on my birthday, very funny, haha) so I'll have to wait a whole fucking month before I can breathe. Gosh, I need to go out for a drink! Maybe on a date. That sounds nice. I'm currently stuck in my attic listening to "Let it go", singing really, really bad. Oh, well, I'm going to Sharon's tomorrow, that's always fun.
I talked with mama, she said it's actually colder in Greece than here in England. I'm thinking of going back to vote but then again there are so many things I left behind that I want to avoid. I wish I was a more decisive person but I'm afraid that's me, mercurial and changeable as hell! I know some distance would do me good but we'll see, that's all I can say.
There are times I'm glad you can't read the things I'm writing; then again there are those times when I feel so alone. It's tragic how blind I'd been before that little incident. I never wanted to name it. I guess once you name something it becomes real and I didn't want that. But I love the way people look at me here. Coming in this place was the best decision I've ever made. It's just that, I can't afford to fuck this up, not this time. I'm running out of countries I can hide.
Next month is my birthday and I'm so excited! I haven't had a proper birthday in two years now! I am though having one this year and it's going to be AMAZING! I'm sure of it because this last few months have been amazing and my xmas holidays were great and this place and these people have really helped. I understand I can't undo what I've done but that doesn't mean I can't move on.
Yesterday I was writing this critical commentary for my Art and Craft of Fiction class. It was about my story Alexithymia and I was wondering whether I should put in the commentary the real reason behind the story. I sort of kind of did and then I started thinking how long I can keep avoiding the relationship factor in my life. It's just that relationships are such a commitment and in my case there are so many things I need to explain and I really hate explanations. How can I tell someone I want to sleep alone because every time i close my eyes I know there's always the possibility of a seizure in the early morning hours? I hate the way people look at me when I say I have epilepsy. You can imagine how much I'd hate it if someone I cared about actually saw me have a seizure. Only Lina and my parents have seen that and I could tell it's not pretty. How can I explain the scars all over my body? They're still there, i check every day now. They look better but still they're there. Maybe I'll be okay enough to go swimming this summer. I certainly hope so.
Anyway, with the assignments out of the picture I'm free to go back to the things I love in this country: working at the theatre, archery and, my new revelation: gingerbread lattes!!! I told you I'm going to Sharon's tomorrow. I'll go and have a bath now and not think about him because I'm awesome and I know better. I'll talk about it with Sharon tomorrow. Kisses for now and I'll let you know if something weird comes up.
xx
Evey
p.s. A couple of facebook friends got engaged today, what is wrong with the world???
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