Dear You,
I had a baby seizure today (i.e. partial) so from the get go it was pretty clear that the whole day was fucked. Still, I thought what the hell, it could have been worse, i didn't have a headache or synesthesia so I got up, got dressed and went for coffee at the nice place we usually go at Above Bar street. They had no cake. I wanted to slap the waitress. I ordered a lame blueberry muffin and sat with Sharon and Jack to have my coffee. This is probably our last time having coffee together and they were talking about sharks. I was not in a very talkative mood so I just finished that pathetic muffin and watched them until we left. Sharon's going back to Spain tomorrow. We said goodbye and I walked back home. Jim fixed my bed so by the time I climbed into the attic it was all set up.
I don't know what happened. I wanted to cry but I couldn't, It was like there was this wall behind my eyes and it blocked the water. I gave up and used my vibrator instead. Jack asked if I'm ok before we part and I said yes, of course. He's got other things in his mind and I didn't feel like talking. I prefer listening to him, there's something in his voice that always makes me feel better. I thought he looked quite handsome today but I didn't tell him. I don't know why.
I'm really tired. I think I'll sleep early tonight. It's the nightmares. I get them on a daily basis now, it's official. It's Greece and the fact that I'll see my parents again. I don't know why I started this whole idea that I might tell them what happened to me. There's absolutely no fucking reason to burst their bubble. I've told you before, it would kill them to know how unhappy I've been.
A year and a half ago I hated everyone and everything, I wished the entire human species was dead, I wished my sister was dead because they all had something I didn't. I wished people would leave me the fuck alone and stopped asking me stupid questions about stupid things that didn't matter at all because nothing matters if you can't tie a feeling to it. Now, I wish no one ever left this place, that they all stayed here with me. It's only natural to feel like that I guess. I met these people at a time when I was alone and now I have to say good-bye to them. And that's exactly how I feel: I want to cry but I can't. Instead I try to distract myself with a million stupid things so that I don't have to face the fact that come September I'm going to be alone. Perhaps my parents are right. Perhaps I should come back. But then I think that I'm better than this, that Athens has been very unkind to me and that I hate that place. So I'll go back but it will be just a holiday. Like it or not, this is my reality now. I'm going to miss them so fucking much but I guess this is the natural order: we all have to move on at some point.
xx
Evey
I had a baby seizure today (i.e. partial) so from the get go it was pretty clear that the whole day was fucked. Still, I thought what the hell, it could have been worse, i didn't have a headache or synesthesia so I got up, got dressed and went for coffee at the nice place we usually go at Above Bar street. They had no cake. I wanted to slap the waitress. I ordered a lame blueberry muffin and sat with Sharon and Jack to have my coffee. This is probably our last time having coffee together and they were talking about sharks. I was not in a very talkative mood so I just finished that pathetic muffin and watched them until we left. Sharon's going back to Spain tomorrow. We said goodbye and I walked back home. Jim fixed my bed so by the time I climbed into the attic it was all set up.
I don't know what happened. I wanted to cry but I couldn't, It was like there was this wall behind my eyes and it blocked the water. I gave up and used my vibrator instead. Jack asked if I'm ok before we part and I said yes, of course. He's got other things in his mind and I didn't feel like talking. I prefer listening to him, there's something in his voice that always makes me feel better. I thought he looked quite handsome today but I didn't tell him. I don't know why.
I'm really tired. I think I'll sleep early tonight. It's the nightmares. I get them on a daily basis now, it's official. It's Greece and the fact that I'll see my parents again. I don't know why I started this whole idea that I might tell them what happened to me. There's absolutely no fucking reason to burst their bubble. I've told you before, it would kill them to know how unhappy I've been.
A year and a half ago I hated everyone and everything, I wished the entire human species was dead, I wished my sister was dead because they all had something I didn't. I wished people would leave me the fuck alone and stopped asking me stupid questions about stupid things that didn't matter at all because nothing matters if you can't tie a feeling to it. Now, I wish no one ever left this place, that they all stayed here with me. It's only natural to feel like that I guess. I met these people at a time when I was alone and now I have to say good-bye to them. And that's exactly how I feel: I want to cry but I can't. Instead I try to distract myself with a million stupid things so that I don't have to face the fact that come September I'm going to be alone. Perhaps my parents are right. Perhaps I should come back. But then I think that I'm better than this, that Athens has been very unkind to me and that I hate that place. So I'll go back but it will be just a holiday. Like it or not, this is my reality now. I'm going to miss them so fucking much but I guess this is the natural order: we all have to move on at some point.
xx
Evey
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