Dear You,
I'll try to keep this short and sweet (relatively). We're done with the submissions, everything's cool, we just have to worry about the stupid dissertation thingy and our year's collection. I got the fun job of bossing the printers around which sounds totally awesome cause I love telling people what to do. Okay, I'm done with the serious stuff (yeah that was meant to be serious) and I can move on to whining about not knowing what I want. Did I tell you my parents want me to go work in Dublin because the Irish make good beer? WTF? Anyway, I'm procrastinating with no reason. Here's what's I've been really thinking about: the orange jacket theory. What's that you say? Well, prepare to be amazed with my infinite wisdom!
A while back, Thana and I came up with a theory that explained why my relationships never lasted. We named it the Orange Jacket Theory and yes there's a story behind it. This is told from my mum's perspective because I was five when it happened. We went into a store to shop for someone that wasn't me. Somehow I found the ugliest neon-orange jacket in the store (because I had no sense of fashion back then) and asked mum to buy it for me. She said no. I put the jacket on, laid on the floor and refused to leave until she bought the damn thing. Mum gave in. The next day she took it out and asked me to wear it so that she could take me to the kindergarden. I looked at it and said i didn't like it. Here's where the relationship factor comes in: everything is a quest. Once I get something/ someone somehow it/he is no longer shiny, not as before anyway.
What's the point in all this? It's just this one question: say I found out what I want from him (because my brain is seriously jumbled up and I have no idea) and he gave it to me, would I get bored in a month? I know this is a really mean thing to say but I have to say it. What makes him different, what separates him from all the others, why is he special? Answer: He's a friend and I've never done this with a friend. It may prove to be a massive mistake but at least i ll know for any future reference.
This fucking sucks, I'd never had this sort of issues before my emotions go away! Fucking depression! I thought I was gonna keep this short but fuck it! Here's a sensible, relatively intelligent plan that i will stick to if I'm smart enough and aware of my well-being: Once he's gone, cut all ties. That includes: facebook, messenger, twitter, texting, skype, whatsup, viber, tumblr and whatever social media bullshit man has come up with. If I am unable to separate romantic from friendly feelings because they have merged into this non-descript, disgusting creature (that slightly resembles Bagul - scary as fuck when you just catch a glimpse of it but ridiculous when you take a proper look) then I can's have either. Fuck that and move on. It will probably feel like shit initially. I give the feeling-shit-period a month. And then everything will be ok. I need to start thinking on finding a fucking job. Not in Dublin, no. I like the South. I think I'll stick to places near the sea. Blue or gray I kinda need it.
Kisses,
Evey
I'll try to keep this short and sweet (relatively). We're done with the submissions, everything's cool, we just have to worry about the stupid dissertation thingy and our year's collection. I got the fun job of bossing the printers around which sounds totally awesome cause I love telling people what to do. Okay, I'm done with the serious stuff (yeah that was meant to be serious) and I can move on to whining about not knowing what I want. Did I tell you my parents want me to go work in Dublin because the Irish make good beer? WTF? Anyway, I'm procrastinating with no reason. Here's what's I've been really thinking about: the orange jacket theory. What's that you say? Well, prepare to be amazed with my infinite wisdom!
A while back, Thana and I came up with a theory that explained why my relationships never lasted. We named it the Orange Jacket Theory and yes there's a story behind it. This is told from my mum's perspective because I was five when it happened. We went into a store to shop for someone that wasn't me. Somehow I found the ugliest neon-orange jacket in the store (because I had no sense of fashion back then) and asked mum to buy it for me. She said no. I put the jacket on, laid on the floor and refused to leave until she bought the damn thing. Mum gave in. The next day she took it out and asked me to wear it so that she could take me to the kindergarden. I looked at it and said i didn't like it. Here's where the relationship factor comes in: everything is a quest. Once I get something/ someone somehow it/he is no longer shiny, not as before anyway.
What's the point in all this? It's just this one question: say I found out what I want from him (because my brain is seriously jumbled up and I have no idea) and he gave it to me, would I get bored in a month? I know this is a really mean thing to say but I have to say it. What makes him different, what separates him from all the others, why is he special? Answer: He's a friend and I've never done this with a friend. It may prove to be a massive mistake but at least i ll know for any future reference.
This fucking sucks, I'd never had this sort of issues before my emotions go away! Fucking depression! I thought I was gonna keep this short but fuck it! Here's a sensible, relatively intelligent plan that i will stick to if I'm smart enough and aware of my well-being: Once he's gone, cut all ties. That includes: facebook, messenger, twitter, texting, skype, whatsup, viber, tumblr and whatever social media bullshit man has come up with. If I am unable to separate romantic from friendly feelings because they have merged into this non-descript, disgusting creature (that slightly resembles Bagul - scary as fuck when you just catch a glimpse of it but ridiculous when you take a proper look) then I can's have either. Fuck that and move on. It will probably feel like shit initially. I give the feeling-shit-period a month. And then everything will be ok. I need to start thinking on finding a fucking job. Not in Dublin, no. I like the South. I think I'll stick to places near the sea. Blue or gray I kinda need it.
Kisses,
Evey
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