Dear You,
I'm scared. No, scratch that, I'm terrified. I wish I could talk to a version of yourself that isn't an asshole. I don't know if that happens with everyone or if it's just me but when you return home you feel like a child again. I'm not overly excited about that. There is a way I can get out of this trip but it involves telling the truth to lots of people and that means my perfect house of cards is just going to collapse. Plus, it's not just me, it's also Lina that I have to think of. So, here's what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna be cool and calm like I always am and hold it together. It's just a couple of days. I'm gonna be fine. I wish there was an actual person that I could talk to about that stuff and then I wouldn't have to talk to you but there isn't and there can't be. I wish I was seventeen again because seven years ago I wasn't damaged and I still had that romantic notion that I would find the love of my life out there and live happily ever after with him. I still can't believe I used to be like that. I'm surprised I didn't also believe in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. I don't know if I should laugh or cry right now.
You always told me that no one would ever be good enough for me but I know that you said that because you loved me. Maybe you lied about that too. I know how boys your age are and, let's be frank, I was your only girl friend. I wish I could have loved you like that, it would have solved all my problems. But then what? Would I have stayed in Agrinio? No, on second thought, that would have been a terrible match.
I need to talk to Lina. She's been having the time of her life teasing me but this needs to stop. I never thought it would last this long but I was thinking about the me before the black hole years (cool name huh? I thought it was about time I invented one). I sort of miss her she was pretty awesome in compartmentalisation and I'm just stumbling. And I just realised I'm talking about myself in third person. I'll just stop now. Really though, theoretically, what would I have to do to become the person I used to be? I'm not saying get everything back; there are some parts of myself I'm thankful they've changed. Maybe that no feelings aspect that worked really well until I woke up from those two damn years. Seriously, I feel like I've been sleeping and I woke up in September and came here.
I already told you I'm scared and it's not just the going home thing. Sharon said I'm way too young to give up on relationships. We used to joke with Thana and say we'd both end up old and alone in a house full of cats. I'm seriously depressed now and I shouldn't be. It's just that he looked at me today and smiled and I realised how wrong this is and how exposed I've allowed myself to become. I'm not seventeen anymore. I know better. Lina said I should be happy that I can feel again but she's wrong; I'm not happy, this situation can seriously hurt me. At least our classes started again and I can see all my friends again. I had a couple of hours before the theatre. It was really nice and funny, as always and I'd really missed everyone. Anyway, I think I've said more than enough, especially considering i'm not in the mood. I'll write again tomorrow.
Evey
I'm scared. No, scratch that, I'm terrified. I wish I could talk to a version of yourself that isn't an asshole. I don't know if that happens with everyone or if it's just me but when you return home you feel like a child again. I'm not overly excited about that. There is a way I can get out of this trip but it involves telling the truth to lots of people and that means my perfect house of cards is just going to collapse. Plus, it's not just me, it's also Lina that I have to think of. So, here's what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna be cool and calm like I always am and hold it together. It's just a couple of days. I'm gonna be fine. I wish there was an actual person that I could talk to about that stuff and then I wouldn't have to talk to you but there isn't and there can't be. I wish I was seventeen again because seven years ago I wasn't damaged and I still had that romantic notion that I would find the love of my life out there and live happily ever after with him. I still can't believe I used to be like that. I'm surprised I didn't also believe in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. I don't know if I should laugh or cry right now.
You always told me that no one would ever be good enough for me but I know that you said that because you loved me. Maybe you lied about that too. I know how boys your age are and, let's be frank, I was your only girl friend. I wish I could have loved you like that, it would have solved all my problems. But then what? Would I have stayed in Agrinio? No, on second thought, that would have been a terrible match.
I need to talk to Lina. She's been having the time of her life teasing me but this needs to stop. I never thought it would last this long but I was thinking about the me before the black hole years (cool name huh? I thought it was about time I invented one). I sort of miss her she was pretty awesome in compartmentalisation and I'm just stumbling. And I just realised I'm talking about myself in third person. I'll just stop now. Really though, theoretically, what would I have to do to become the person I used to be? I'm not saying get everything back; there are some parts of myself I'm thankful they've changed. Maybe that no feelings aspect that worked really well until I woke up from those two damn years. Seriously, I feel like I've been sleeping and I woke up in September and came here.
I already told you I'm scared and it's not just the going home thing. Sharon said I'm way too young to give up on relationships. We used to joke with Thana and say we'd both end up old and alone in a house full of cats. I'm seriously depressed now and I shouldn't be. It's just that he looked at me today and smiled and I realised how wrong this is and how exposed I've allowed myself to become. I'm not seventeen anymore. I know better. Lina said I should be happy that I can feel again but she's wrong; I'm not happy, this situation can seriously hurt me. At least our classes started again and I can see all my friends again. I had a couple of hours before the theatre. It was really nice and funny, as always and I'd really missed everyone. Anyway, I think I've said more than enough, especially considering i'm not in the mood. I'll write again tomorrow.
Evey
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